The why and whereto of candid conversations have been covered in some of my previous blog posts. Today I focus on the how-to:
- Tell the person you have something difficult to say.
- Optional: Warn the person that she/he might be upset with your message.
- Say it immediately. Say it straight. Say it brief. Say it clearly. (which means no beating around the bush, no sugar coating, no packaging between niceties.
- State it as your opinion or suggestions and not as ‘the’ truth since there is no one truth.
- Clarify that you care for the person, hence your candor and the risk that comes with this candor.
- Be prepared for a wide range of emotions and responses. Be prepared for push back.
- Realize that candor is a two-way street. Be ready to receive candor and straight talk and actively ask for it. Listen, ask clarifying questions, and consider and learn rather than interrupt and counter-argue.
When things go wrong
No matter how well you prepare and train, things can go wrong. Always. Here are tips to deal with such situations:
- Be brave enough to be vulnerable and fallible
- Know that very few mistakes are final and fatal – we’re talking communication and leadership here, not medicine and surgery.
- Be present in the here-and-now. Use your awareness to sense when it turns bad and make it the topic of conversation.
- Ask for feedback, suggestions, impressions. And listen.
- Clarify again, your intentions and style.
- Repeat your care and concern for the person, team or topic.
- Apologize for the unintended impact but stick to the message if that is still what you believe.